*Spoiler Alert* Thoughts on Derek Shepherd and this weeks episode of Grey's Anatomy.

OK, seriously, I never get attached to anything that I don't consider "real" but Grey's had me bawling tonight!!! I actually thought something was wrong with me until I took to twitter and saw that all of the rest of the Grey's Anatomy fans out there were feeling similar to how I was feeling. Grey's Anatomy has been my go-to comfort show. I admit that I didn't start watching until season 5 but I have been absolutely hooked ever since. I think I watched the first four seasons in a matter of days the first time around. It is such a brilliant show! I loved how Shonda Rhimes always seemed to relate the patients situations to what was going on in the lives of the doctors. A lot of the episodes tugged on my heart strings but I think a big reason why I loved the show so much was because of the relationship between Meredith and Derek. I absolutely love the commitment level they have with one another. So many times they could have called it quits and didn't, so many tragedies that they both faced together and they always found a silver lining because of their love and commitment. I know the world isn't always sunshine and roses, people break up, people pass away but the amount of fans who had their hearts invested in this show, just lost someone who they have grown to love and care about (as crazy as that sounds, it's just a show, I realize that). I often found myself relating to trials that the doctors were going through, every time we saw an aortic dissection I thought of my Grandpa who passed away because of that cause. Every Mother who grieved for the loss of their child, I was right there grieving along with them. 

Grey's has definitely evolved since the first five seasons, which are admittedly my favourites. I have dealt with losing countless characters that I loved! I was so sad to see Izzy and George depart--that episode was one of the most moving episodes to date (Hello elevator scene..cue tears). Lexi AND Mark dying because of a plane crash, like come on! Even after Christina left I told myself that the show was practically over, how could they go on without her!?! BUT there is always Meredith and Derek!!! I love everything about their story!!!!!! I knew this current season without Christina wouldn't be the same, even after the countless other characters that have left, I could tell the end was near. I was even mentally preparing myself to say good-bye to the show. Asking myself questions like, "how is it going to feel when your most beloved show is done?", "what will you do with all of your spare time?" ....I only had one request....JUST ONE, SHONDA!! That Meredith and Derek would end in a happily ever after, because after all, isn't this just one really REALLY long fairytale?? Am I right?? I grew up watching Disney movies....this was just an adult version of a Disney movie where the handsome prince gets the girl and they live happily every after. WHY OH WHY does it have to end like this???

I am actually so disappointed in what happened on tonight's episode. I know she loves using irony....but really...brain death. Also, did anyone else hold out hope till Derek'
s very last breath that things would end differently? Even when Derek kept narrating "it's too late" ...I kept thinking, "No, it's not! I know you're a brain surgeon and I'm just a stay at home mom...but it isn't too late". I am legitimately so crushed right now. I'm actually at the point where I'm secretly just hoping I'm pregnant as an explanation for this pit in my stomach and that the embarrassing cry fest can just be chalked up to the raging hormones flowing through my body. Unfortunately, I'm like 99.9% sure I'm not HAHA. 

Regardless of the amazing-ness of the show throughout the years, and actors that are currently still on the show, I will no longer be watching Grey's Anatomy. I'm not trying to throw a tantrum or act immature, I just do not think my heart can take any more. I really wish Shonda would have realized that because of the popularity of the show, and the awesome run it had, it would be better to let it go at the end of this season then to drag it on and have heartbroken fans everywhere. Alex found love with Jo, we were only Christina-less for one season and we all knew she was off pursuing her dream of printing conduit hearts, Jackson is married to April and have made it through an unthinkable tragedy...and most importantly, MerDer realized that their love was one of a kind and worth fighting for. I am so sad that Derek died, if I hadn't reiterated that point enough already. Good luck next season is all I have to say! Maybe with the unrest of the people of Grey's Anatomy, Shonda will quickly get all the actors together this week, shoot a proper Series Finale and pretend that Meredith was dreaming this whole episode. Highly unlikely though. 

RIP McDreamy